What do I stand up for there?

I must admit how much I've been feeling such eagerness for a serious relationship along the last few weeks. But love has never been easy, it takes all effort especially deep within you. For me, it became worse due to a particular reason which only some people knows what it is and I'm not gonna bear that here.

Most of the time I fell for someone is because I love someone so so so very much. It needs some phases; getting to know each other, learn to accept each other, and convincing each other. When the love comes both ways, then we would make it. When the love don't come both ways, then we couldn't make it. That sounds so simple, huh? Well, I just simplify it. If I have to expand things into details, it's just so torturing. Say, that particular issue I said before has been likely becoming the reason why having a true relationship has never been easy. They say that's a situation where you could never find someone who's really sincere, never ever --at that, I disagree.

Well, I was committed in a serious relationship two times. See, I made it. Yet both had eventually ended long time ago, but I believe those ended for something. I went through but then I went on. Not that easy of course, but the fact, we must look ahead, looking back is just to check and learn. 

I once decided to take a break with myself, avoiding any romantic stuff in my life. Every time I was attracted with someone, I talked to myself not to let the feeling goes too far. I kept my heart and I did it. But we never knew where the circumstances brought us and here I am in such a desperation again and again. And just some days ago, I sort of made a big decision, such a venture. I appreciate myself for doing that anyhow. I have my own reason and I think I must convince myself that I am fine by doing that. I open up myself, not just for relationship but also for a bigger world of blahblah. Err!

It's been almost a month. I feel like I've been standing up for nothing. The desperation developed and inevitably influenced a lot of things in my life. Things seemed to be worse. I dunno, I might go on with a new version of insight; I don't really hope I could find something good there after all. Just another way, I would hold back, being me who loves me.

I shared my desire to someone earlier. He told me to share the love with my family and friends instead. Well yeah, so I guess.